Smash Tv Arcade Game

What do you call those things where you blow into them and they make a squeaking noise while a paper tube unfurls from the end? Yeah, party horns. Imagine the sounds of one of those ringing in your ears, because it's VGJunk's 4th birthday! Four years of writing about old videogames, and still I misspell 'damage' as 'damamge' every single time. I feel like I should have a cake in the shape of an underwhelming Famicom-only platformer or something. Anyway, long-time readers may remember that VGJunk's birthday just so happens to be the day before my actual birthday, and as a birthday treat I like to play a game that I genuinely love at this time of year. For 2014 it's the turn of a true arcade classic - Williams' 1990 arcade a-brand-new-toaster-em-up Smash TV!

The first inspiration is the 1987 action movie / Schwarzenegger-based quip delivery system The Running Man, the tale of a dystopian future where brutal gladiatorial murder is televised in the form of a game show. This is also the plot (oh look, a new record for 'loosest use of the word plot') of Smash TV. In the distant year of 1999 - hey, 1999 was fifteen years ago so I'd say that's pretty distant - Smash TV is the most popular show on television. One man enters an arena packed with thousands of savage killers in the hopes of securing fame, glory and maybe a new VCR. Every game show needs a host, and Smash TV is no exception.

This bloodthirsty spectacle is presented by a man whose jacket is encrusted with such a vast number of crystals that he has to be held up by two young women at all times lest the weight crush him. Existing somewhere between Dale Winton and Noel Edmonds on the creepy-game-show-host-o-meter, he pops up in the corner of the screen every now and then, his shifty eyes darting from side to side as he tries to remember which of the twins is Cindy and which is Sandy. He also chips in with some voice samples, including the already-mentioned 'big money' bit which is one of Smash TV's most enduring legacies.

Smash TV is a single-screen shoot-em-up for one or two players and is set in a futuristic game show in the year 1999. Contestants must enter enclosed arenas and compete to collect prizes, money and keys, while fighting to stay alive as they are attacked on all sides by waves of enemies. Is a solid flawless arcade title from a era that is long gone. Anyone who played this game back in the day at the arcade knows what I'm talking about.

In fact, without wanting to denigrate the quality of the gameplay I'd say the host's verbal interjections are a big part of why Smash TV is so fondly remembered. Nothing sticks around like a catchphrase, after all. The other part of Smash TV's genetic make-up, the part where all the gameplay comes from, is the 1982 arcade game Robotron 2084, pictured above in all its 'neon robots roaming the endless black gulf of terror' glory. Also developed in part by Eugene Jarvis, Robotron is Smash TV's progenitor in that they share the same style of gameplay, the same battle against overwhelming odds and best of all the same twin-joystick control system. Robotron wasn't the first game to use two joysticks, one for movement and one for selecting the direction you're shooting in, but it did combine that control method with huge waves of enemies that desire nothing but your immediate annihilation, thus paving the way for Smash TV.

When you start the game, you're treated to a short scene showing your contestant making his way through the studio and into the killing zone. The contestant isn't just a hovering torso, by the way. He's wearing blue trousers, so his legs are hard to see against the blue carpet.

No such problem for the host, who is resplendent in an outfit that could have been plucked from the very wardrobe of Satan himself if it weren't for the powder-blue loafers. The host doesn't acknowledge the contestant's presence, unable to bring himself to meet the gaze of a man who's about to get his head bashed in by a gang of neo-nazis. If you were going to put Smash TV into a genre you'd probably call it a single-screen shooter or an arena shooter, but what it boils down to is a Kill Everything Simulator. Wave after wave of bad guys swarm onto the screen, and all you have to do - all you can do, really - is make them dead. It sounds like an extremely limited concept, but the subtle genius of the game's design keeps it from going stale. Enemies appear from the top, bottom, left or right of the screen, so you can't stand there, which forces you towards the corners of the arena.

But you can't stand there, either, because with no space to back into you'll quickly be overrun. Instead you're forced to be constantly moving, always looking for the safe corridors of enemy-less space to dart into, never finding a moment's peace. Smash TV is a game that wants you dead, and death is the only respite you will find. The contestant isn't entirely without an effective means to fight back, however. For one thing, while the machine gun you start with is the most feeble weapon in the game it still has a good rate of fire and can take out a fair proportion of the enemies in one hit. There are also limited-ammo special weapons to collect, as you would expect from both an arcade shooter and a game show about shooting people.

Pictured above is the grenade. Well, I was going to say 'grenade launcher' but that's more of a grenade sprayer, a piece of farm equipment modified to cover as large an area as possible in high-explosive fragmentation grenades instead of manure. There are also protective barriers in both traditional energy shield and 'whirling frisbees of death' varieties, Gradius­-style hovering 'options' that duplicate your shots, three-way spread guns and missiles which, unlike the real thing, travel right through groups of enemies instead of detonating on impact.

I was always a bit confused by that. Why not make it a railgun or something? I'm not complaining, I just desire that little bit of extra realism in my futuristic, murder-soaked versions of The Krypton Factor. One pick-up you should be keeping a keen eye out for is the orange bomb icon that you can see at the bottom of the screen. Touching it causes every enemy on screen to explode.

I and everyone I know who has played Smash TV refers to them as Bingos, because when you collect one the host shouts 'Bingo!' Also, all the enemies explode. In a game so relentless that every tiny morsel of success the player achieves is a cause for celebration, grabbing a Bingo when you're surrounded by enemies is like winning the lottery and having the giant cheque handed over by that kid who used to call you names at school. Here, then, is a screenshot to really sum up the Smash TV experience. Enemies are everywhere, with more pouring in from the bottom of the screen. The grey things on the right-hand side of the arena floor are landmines, giving you another obstacle to negotiate.

The info panel at the top of the screen indicates that you have just won a brand new toaster, which I'm sure will be of great comfort to your soon-to-be grieving widow. The grenade sprayer might buy you some time, but there's a good chance you're going to die. And then you survive. Miracle of miracles, you slice a path through the hordes.

You take out the gunners in the walls, and the chunky blokes at the edge of the screen who sneak onto the battlefield and try to catch you unawares by exploding into a cloud of shrapnel. You survive for now, and it's one of those moments of true satisfaction that great videogames can deliver.

Enough waxing poetic about Smash TV's ballet of carnage, because it's time for a boss. His name is Mutoid Man, and he was mutated when a tank carrying toxic waste crashed into a twenty-foot tall inflatable of Kingpin from the Daredevil comics. It's never explained whether the two normal-sized gunners attached to his treads are part of his mutant body, a pair of parasitic organisms that survive on the scraps from Mutoid Man's various rampages or two 'lucky' grunts who are awarded the luxury of being able to sit down at the expense of their seats being horrifyingly close to what you might describe as Mutoid Man's crotch.Fighting Mutoid Man is a two-stage process, and those stages are shooting him and not going near him because he'll run you over. The shooting part is made more difficult by the fact that your basic gun's bullets simply bounce off, and you can only do damage with a special weapon. Luckily they spawn on the arena floor with some regularity, although this may be part of Mutoid Man's plan to lure you in so he can kill you with his laser eye beams. Yeah, those laser eye beams.

The fight has being going on for a while now, but Mutoid Man is as dangerous as ever even though he's been reduced to a skeletal torso with a smug head perched on top like a ham hock balanced on a xylophone. It gets better, because after shooting him some more his torso explodes to reveal another head underneath, attached directly to his caterpillar treads. There's a reason Mutoid Man is a boss and not some lowly grunt, and that reason is built-in redundancies in the event some maniac shoots him with a rocket launcher. After a long battle, the contestant defeats Mutoid Man and claims his prize - fat stacks of cash and ownership of more sports cars than all the footballers in the Premier League combined. I love that they gave the contestant a boxing headguard to wear. He doesn't look like the sharpest knife in the drawer, so I can just imagine the host convincing the big lug that this padded forehead protector will spare him from a gruesome death. 'No, you don't need body armour, our top scientists have assured me that bullets simply cannot pass through abdominal muscles.'

While I'm on the subject of presentation, I should mention the music from the first stage. It's easily overlooked while you're playing the game because there's not much room for the track to shine through amidst the constant rattle of gunfire, the host's catchphrases and the screams of the dying, but it's pretty great. I wonder if the composer, Jon Hey, listen to a lot of gameshow music while he was writing it, because I can totally see this as the theme for a quiz show's quick fire round. Also, the short Bach-esque section at about two minutes in? That's rather wonderful. Arena two has more of a sci-fi feel to it, with the introduction of mechanical foes like hovering, laser spewing orbs and segmented robot snakes, all of which are that bit faster and more tenacious than the enemies in the first arena.

It likewise makes a choice tree that drives the player's technique and strategies all through the diversion. Hero might and magic 3. This is a pleasant touch, as regardless it requires some investment, however permits the legend to stay out on the combat zone gathering fortune and battling fights. Also, fare thee well when sending a train on the grounds that they may very well get trapped along the way.For those keen on getting into the weeds of details and story behind the diversion's inhabitants, fulfillment is standing. This doors the higher level components of the base, guaranteeing players can't surge. Restorative components can be balanced in every city, and the capacity to send units to your legend by means of convoy has been presented.

You're also introduced to the red things pictured above, which are apparently called Buffaloes despite looking more like killer armchairs with exposed brains. Honestly, Williams should have gone all-out with the deadly furniture theme. There would have been a grim irony in being battered to death by a futon or padded recliner. Many of the rooms in Smash TV greet you with a brief introductory message.

They are rarely friendly, but I think LAZER DEATH ZONE takes the prize for being the most honest about your chances of survival. Plus, it's just a really fun phrase to say out loud. I think I'm going to designate an area of my house as the LAZER DEATH ZONE.

The kitchen, maybe. Then I can say things like 'hey, if you're going into the LAZER DEATH ZONE, could you put the kettle on please' or 'I think that plant your mother bought us would look nice in the LAZER DEATH ZONE.'

Raiders sphere 4th class. Ah yes, now I remember. Of course, to the contestant Scarface's chiselled good looks are a mystery, because from his viewpoint all he can see is a big floating pie tin that wants him dead.Scarface's gimmick is that he's surrounded by segmented metal armour, and before you can deal him any real damage you have to destroy every single panel on his outer edge. Because he's a circle, this means you have to move around him, looking for an opening, and getting to the panels on his right-hand side is a difficult task indeed.

Still, with a little perseverance - or, more likely, a sack full of coins to feed the machine with - you'll chip away at Scarface's defences, leaving him vulnerable. Notice I said 'vulnerable,' not 'less terrifying' or 'less deadly'.

Once Scarface has taken enough punishment he loses his fleshy outer casing to reveal the sinister skull beneath, and it turns out all that skin and eyeball weight was really slowing him down because now he moves even faster and launches energy bolts from his eye sockets. I feel a bit sorry for him, though. Just look at the shape of his skull: he must have had a perpetual frown, unable to express any emotion other than annoyance thanks to the unfortunate skeletal structure of his brow.

No wonder he's so grumpy, he can't be any other way. Never mind, he need never be grumpy again because I shot him until he exploded. Arena three takes place on a set recycled from a Nickelodeon game show, a sinister polystyrene landscape where the air is thick with lead and the big stone faces vomit snakes into the playing area, a torrent of slithering, scaly evil that always seems to be in the wrong place when you're trying to avoid enemy fire. Smash TV manges to somehow ramp up the difficulty of arena three even above the madness of the earlier rounds. I know that whenever I play the SNES version with my friend this is always where we start to come unstuck. It's hard to stay alive when you're knee-deep in snakes. If you play Smash TV for long enough, the action settles into an almost hypnotic flow, a zen state where instead of concentrating on the immediate action your mind attempts to take in the whole screen at once, mapping out safe routes and the locations of power-ups.

The power-ups can almost be a liability at times, especially when you're getting swarmed and you're desperate for relief - in the situation pictured above, for example, the Bingo pick-up will lure you in with its explosive siren song, but trying to reach it from this position is just going to get you killed as the enemies surround you. Survival in Smash TV is all about risk and reward, judging what items you can safely collect, and when you get it right - when a trail of enemies is right behind you and you manage to collect a rocket launcher, using the twin-stick control system to fire at them while still retreating - it's a pure example of the satisfaction (that word again) that getting something just right in a videogame can bring. Given area three's snake motif, it's unsurprising that the boss is a pair of giant snakes. The game gives their name as Die Cobros. I was going to make a 'it's German for The Cobras' joke, momentarily forgetting that The Simpsons beat me to it.

Instead I'll just chuckle to myself about the idea of co-bros, cobras who are bros but who don't do very well at the gym due to their lack of arms.The cobras are the least interesting of the three bosses, with there being not much to say about them beyond 'they're big snakes,' Shoot them until they're dead. It's the Smash TV way.

Before you can reap the rewards that come with owning ten keys, you have to fight your way through Smash TV's most over-the-top, most action-packed, most murder-tastic stages yet. The sheer volume of the enemy force is such that it's nigh-impossible to shoot your way out of, and even really good Smash TV players are going to run into trouble here unless they're willing to pour credit after credit into the machine. However, playing Smash TV with the intention of completing it is to miss the essential point of the game - it's about the journey, not the destination, it's about surviving for as long as you can and enjoying the small victories along the way, and it's about racking up as big a high score as you can muster. Topping the high score table is made easier by finding ten keys, because doing so grants you access to the Pleasure Dome, a special room that seems to take place inside one of Hugh Hefner's migraines. The room is filled with bikini-clad babes that you can 'collect' for points. I think they're supposed to be the same women that are seen with the host, with the inevitable conclusion being that Smash TV is actually a front for a babe-cloning operation on a truly terrifying scale.

Also, if you don't like the colours of this room - it's difficult to imagine anyone not enjoying this 'robot-vomit green and scalded-skin pink' colour scheme, but different strokes and all that - then not to worry, because the colours in the background are constantly cycling through a wide variety of garish, high-saturation colours. This is a bit of a recurring theme in games Eugene Jarvis worked on - all the text in Smash TV is rendered in a shifting rainbow of colours, and the same is true of the psuedo-sequel. Personally I think it's a hideous graphical affectation. It's a sign of how much I enjoy Smash TV that I'm reduced to complaining about the way the in-game text looks.

I also need a dumptruck to help me cart away my many, many prizes. I've won enough luxury holidays that I never have to go home again, enough Smash TV board game to bore every family in the country on the next rainy Sunday afternoon, and toasters.

So many toasters. If the world's entire agricultural industry was devoted to producing bread solely for my consumption, I would still have too many toasters. I'm going to built a city out of these toasters. It will be called Toastopolis, and every home will have a detachable crumb tray and a defrost setting.

This is my favourite prize, though. In the interests of balance I'm trying to come up with some negative points about Smash TV, but frankly I'm drawing a blank. Sometimes when you're fighting a boss and a piece of them explodes it obscures your screen and you die cheaply. A couple of the late-game rooms maybe go on for a touch too long. You don't get to use a flamethrower at any point, although I'll admit that one's a matter personal preference.

Nope, I can't think of anything else bad to say about it. As the host would say, if I hadn't gunned him down anyway, I love it! So, that's this year's VGJunk birthday article, and it was true to its goal - playing Smash TV really did feel like a treat. How does the chant go?

Four more years? Yes, I probably will still be writing these articles in four more years. Maybe by then I'll have gotten around to telling you in great depth what I think about Mortal Kombat (hint: it's bad). Until next time, I'd like to say thank you as always to everyone who reads the site, leaves comments and spreads the word about VGJunk. Your continued tolerance of my internet presence means the world to me. I'll be back with a new article soon, but for now I'm going to have that quiet lie down I mentioned earlier.

I shall dream of toasters. You ought to spend some time talking about the ports, especially the surprisingly good one on the Super NES. Who would have guessed Beam Software had it in 'em to make such a great conversion? (The Genesis version was.

Uh, less surprising. And more depressing.)Also, happy belated birthday.

I would have responded sooner, but I forgot about it. Of course, that probably means you'll never actually see this or respond to it, so I can say lots of nasty things about the ZX Spectrum and professional cricket, and you won't get the chance to get angry about it!

Joinable Netplay Multiplayer Sessions for Smash T.V. (rev 8.00)

I Buy this game for a dollar or quarter
Alright this is smash Tv . I Am surprised there was no reviews of this instant classic Back in The Day this game probably Made Williams and The Arcade Boat loads of Money and leaving tears of Joy all the way to the bank lol. First off I will give some tips that I think would be helpful.
Ok First tip would Be You see those question marks on the map of each level after you get through the first part of each studio Those Are Hidden Rooms Were you can Get Extra points If you found 1 of those rooms The Host MC will say Big Money Big prizes I love it and it will have a fancy room design
Another main thing you will need Is The power ups . Because While the standard shot works and kills people it ant very helpful against Like the 50 people coming at you at once. And Plus you will Need The more Powerful Guns for The Bosses.
Plot The Plot of Smash Tv Means You are the next lucky contestant to be on the Game show.So As The Host says Big money Big prizes You mainly Kill all enemies while getting The Prizes. The Prizes themselves are used for Bonus Points at the end of the level after you completed it. Red and Blue Prizes The Guy shouts Yeah!. If its a Yellow present The lady goes Woo . Same with The Cash in the game it is also Used For Bonus Points at the end of the level to increase your high score.
Graphics Taking a look at this Classic by Williams and also on Midway Arcade classics Its good old Classic fashioned 2d All Stages Have a good amount of Detail and Enemies Trust me This game its gonna have A military of Enemies coming at you in each level. Sprites for The Most Part are nicely done as well They have a nice solider look and feel to them which works great for the games style Rather then just looking like some random person The Bosses are also done well too I'm gonna describe them in words. Mutoid Man A crazy Robot machine like human .Scar face Happens To look like The Face Of Shriek at least to me . Die Co bros Pretty much 2 Cobra's that are known of another form of snakes that are huge . Evil Mc Pretty Much A harder Version of Mutoid Man But with the appearance of The Game host .Once you beat him he has a lot of presents that increase your score, . Graphics gets a 10 They look really nice and Bosses also stages look great in this 90's game
Sound Most sound effects are that of The Crowd and you Shooting the Heck out of The Enemies and As well The host speech. Even with that said it was pretty advanced for the time because No early arcade game like this 1 had voice samples .Soundtrack I like how Dark and Creepy it sounds It goes perfectly With the Dark style of Graphics this game has A great amount of bass to kick up the music and keep it fresh. Sound gets a 10 its the main part of voice samples That made it pretty advance considering no other game had this at the time And the Soundtrack Fits perfect with this Style of game
Addictiveness This is why I said This game made Williams Boat loads of money and left Tears of Joy going to the bank lol . Because This Had 50 Enemies that were very fast and made you look like a slow poke. It was fast quickness And Challenge of The Enemies Bosses and Neat Power ups that made this game Fun to Play back in The Day . Addictiveness gets a 9 for the reason said above
Story Explained in plot I will rate it a 8 because it already clears what your supposed to do in the game.
Depth Now you think possibly Shooters Were only Like four levels long and not a whole lot of enemies were there. The 4 levels were the right case in the game. But the Enemies in case was not . Cause They Went And Pushed the limit of enemies in this game Because their are Like 150 enemies or less in Each Route with their speedy quickness .Depth gets a 7
Difficulty This is a Really hard Game do to The Many Enemies Coming and Hitting you at once Because your are slow from the beginning the enemies are fast. Even with A speed shoe power up Because you will never now Which Direction they will come out of. And not to mention You can die like in 30 seconds in this game Also That The Bosses are pretty hard themselves. Controls work good with a Keyboard But in A game Like This I would really Recommend a Game pad Because this is 1 of The games that requires Precession Moving .And not to mention a Keyboard just does not ideal for this type of game. Considering The Actual Arcade Cabinet Made you use two Joysticks 1 for moving 2 for fire .So that's why I recommend a game pad for this type of game. Difficulty gets a 8
Overall Even with the insane hard difficulty That made this game a great classic That Made The arcades Boat loads of money. Like in The Game Williams Must had Enjoyed their wealth of Quarters from people getting into this game. Also various home ports such as nes snes Genesis Amiga And other systems Got a release of this great classic.Overall a 9,6
Graphics 10 Sound 10 Addictive 9 Depth 7 Story 8 Difficulty 8